Just Some Writing...

I was just going through some of my older saved files on my computer to clean up a bit and came across something I had worked on for an English class a couple of semesters ago.  The story was supposed to be from my perspective and life experiences- here is the beginning, let me know what you thing.

     The house smelled of death as I walked through the front door.  The house felt different, looked different, was different.  No waft of bacon from an early breakfast or laughter coming from the kitchen.  There was no familiar sound of a ballgame cheer coming from the TV set in the den.  No, all those things were long gone- at least for a while.  I stepped into the kitchen and found my grandmother sitting at the table doing a crossword puzzle.  Thank goodness, something familiar!  How I admired her, her strength amazed me, her wisdom astounded me, and her elegance made me envious.  She embraced me and I transformed into a twelve year old with not a care in the world.  She stepped back to admire her youngest granddaughter and smiled.  As she started to speak, I inwardly winced; the pain in her voice was so evident the tears I had been holding back for days started stinging my eyes as they threatened to fall.

 -Hold yourself together Alex -come on, be strong for your grandma- 

As she told me Granddaddy was having a rough day and that he was lying down in their room, reality smacked me in the face.  My twelve-year-old persona was gone, and it was yet again just a memory.  I was back in my awkward eighteen-year-old body visiting my Grandmother and dying Grandfather for the first time in months and completely alone. 

~

     Rewind two and a half months…

-Finally, everything is almost packed.  Somehow I still feel like I’m forgetting something.  Should I bring the fifth pair of shoes?  Oh well, why not? What’s one more pair of shoes?

     I loathe packing; I wish I could just bring my whole closet with me and be done with it.  I love traveling, hate packing.  Every summer I have the same problem- how am I supposed to pack for two and a half months?  This summer is going to be different though.  It’s going to be a lot tougher, and I’m a bit nervous.  Okay, more than a bit nervous.  Here comes the tough part of it.  Wait for it…I’m in love.  Alex Eddins is in love, or I think I’m in love anyway.  It’s complicated, or just too simple.  You know those trick questions in math? The ones that are really simple but you overthink it so much that you work it out the more difficult way and get it entirely wrong?  Yeah this is that kind of simple…or complicated.

“I’m only 18, should I know what real love is?  Maybe I do, but I don’t understand it.  Where’s the guidebook?”

- Dang, I’m talking to myself again.  This is what college does to your mind.  There are so many facts and problems I am supposed to learn and memorize that it literally drives a girl mad!

“Do you have my grey socks?  You know the ones I like to wear with my work boots?” my brother blurts as he stumbles over my pile of more than five pairs of shoes.

“Of course, because I like to wear massive grey socks with holes in the toes.  Just kidding, but yeah, sorry Myers, check Dad’s drawer.”

-Dang, where was I when boy genius stormed in?  Shoes? No, I just decided to pack all of them.  Shirts, Jeans, Bras? No, no, no.  Oh right, what am I supposed to do with my boyfriend? My bag is big, but not that big.  If it is love then it should last over a two-month separation.  Should love even be my main concern? Should it even be considered a concern? I am technically an adult but am I ready to settle down?  Does love mean settling down?  I wish I could just go back to the time when my parents told me everything I should do.  Making decisions stinks! 

     I am tired of being stressed with school and worrying about my g.p.a., tired of worrying about the health of my grandfather, tired of packing for a summer away, and tired of running away from feelings I don’t even understand!  On top of everything I think I just broke my suitcase- terrific.  This summer is going to be great.  I mean it can’t get worse so things go up after hitting rock bottom, right? Right?!  Jane Austin’s stories always had happy endings so mine has to too.  It just has to.  If not I’ll just go to a community college and live with my parents.  Oh wait I already do that.  Life seems to be one big joke I just don’t understand, so I just laugh and go along.

~

             My bag is packed, broken zipper and all.  Myer’s stuff is thrown in the back seat and he has somehow gotten the trunk closed over all my things, thirteen pairs of shoes included- hey, a girl's got to have the necessities.  Maybe it will be nice to have him around this summer after all.  A sixteen year-old little brother can be sweet and helpful or make your life a living hell.  I’m hoping to avoid the latter and show him the ropes in “The Valley” where we’ll be working in the mountains.  I still have one more thing to do before Myers and I leave though.  Why do I do this?!  I suck at good-byes.  I am just going away to work for the summer.  I shouldn’t make excuses or lie to make people feel better.  I will be gone for the entire summer, not “just a few weeks”.  I saved the hardest good-bye for the last too.  Lee, my significant other, my special some one, I’m meeting him for coffee in the only café our little town has.  He’s going to see me off and I’m already running late- something else I inherited from being a college student.  I’ll be late for my own funeral one day, watch and see.

            Oh man, he’s already here.  I wonder how long he’s been sitting there?  He hates big crowds.  Why did I insist on meeting in a busy coffee shop?  Oh right, because I hate awkward good-byes and have commitment issues.  What if he gets upset, or worse!  What if he cries?!  I’ve never seen him cry before.  Oh crap, crap, crapity crap, a coffee shop equals a bad idea for awkward man tears.  Here goes nothing.